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John Cougar Mellencamp Remembers when I Could Stop a Clock, yeah, Thursday

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A very perplexing mystery has presented itself in my basement.  I decided a few months ago that I needed a clock in my basement laundry room.  See, it is also my closet and a place I spend a great deal of time, especially when getting ready in the mornings.  I am sure many folks reading this can relate, as many of us do a load of laundry or two before we head off to work.

Off I went to America's largest retailer to get a lovely plastic clock. I wanted a cheap, easy to read, battery operated clock.  I found a good looking one for just $3.47.  My mom always told me "you get what you pay for." She was usually right. So, I assumed it would last a few months and stop.  It lasted a few weeks, maybe seven. I wasn't too upset, it was only a $3.47 investment. 

I decided to upgrade a bit so I went to one of the finest grocery stores in America and bought a clock there...the brand was "First Time" and somehow it seemed to me that a clever marketer had managed to include a subtle, sexy reference here, but maybe that's just my depraved mind.  well, I bought the silver colored clock with Roman Numerals in black all around the edge. The box said "An American Clock Company"  Therefore, I was a bit disappointed when the clock had "made in China" stamped in the plastic all over it. I guess the "First Time" CEO lives in America, explaining the confusion.  With some disappointment in my $9.99 purchase, I carefully placed it on the shelf where it could peer out at the washer and dryer.  I was sure it would last a few months.  It lasted 6 days. Maybe the batteries are just dead, I thought. I bought a new package...Still the second hand remained motionless. My husband was called in to make the pronouncement.  "It's done for" he told me. I returned it to the finest grocery store in America and they cheerfully returned my money.

Clearly, "I am shopping in the wrong places for a clock".  "Who has the most clocks, I thought? I went to a big box store that seemingly carries everything for the home.  There I went all out and purchased a nine-teen dollar and 99-cent clock. "This is the ultimate, I thought". I even bought another new package of batteries at the check-out stand.  I removed the clock lovingly from the was white like the original clock, with big black numerals and a face as clear as a cover girl's. It told me the time for three days and promptly died. I haven't the heart to bury it yet and so it sits with its second hand quivering...but no longer inching around the circle.

My friends all say there must be a force field in my basement that kills batteries. If that's true the force field is educated. It keeps perfecting its deadly game of "beat the clock"...erradicating the enemy in an ever more timely fashion (pardon the pun).

There is nothing behind the clock other than our furnace a few feet away.  I can find no environmental factor to explain this.  I have now purchased a travel alarm...hey, as long as it tells me the time, who cares what it looks like.  I figure this little guy has to be rugged to be ready for anything a vactioner can encounter.

Meanwhile, John can continue to remember when I could stop a clock.





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